"You move me. Gimli," said Legolas. "I have never heard you speak like this before. Almost you make me regret that I have not seen these caves. Come! Let us make a bargain- if we both return safe out of the perils that await us, we will journey for a while together. You shall visit Fanghorn with me, and then I shall come with you to see Helm's Deep."
The dwarf drooled and under his arm he tucked the last vestige of civilization itself: a first edition copy of the porn classic "Bridget the Midget." His boner protruded curiously from his little person's pants and then, winking at the elf, he pointed at it. "Him," he said. "You'll see him if we survive. You pointy-eared queen."
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