The "Vaw" Training Method

The lad, having no other recourse against the limitations only one's genetic makeup can impose, placed the apparatus on his head and looked in the mirror. He scanned his reflection for signs of weakness, and finding none, the lad turned and headed for the front door. He stepped out into the bright sunlight. Something was different about him. He had courage. He was a force to be reckoned with. He was VAW.

"I will finally show them. They will know what it is like to have someone vawing at them all the time." The notorious gang known as the Clan of the Razor Vaw had ridiculed, humiliated, and dehumanized the lad one time too many. He was a cobra and they would be his prey.

The lad wept as he thought of those he would defend himself against and the pain he would inflict upon them. As he wiped the last tear from the corner of his eye, he was booted in the Change Machine by yet another of those Japanese game show hosts. He dropped to the pavement, grasping his jovials in a futile attempt to protect them from the attack. The event marked the eighth time in his life he was victimized by a tuxedoed hitman of Japanese humor.

As the lad's testicles descended, his hopes rose above the curb. Nakahiro Hakanasi, star of the hit show "Surprise Roadside Sack Kicker That Makes Us Smile," was running towards his next victim, laughing with an insane happiness reminiscent of Renfield .

"Good bye, Hakanasi-san," whimpered the lad. "I will see you in hell by days end."

The lad stood, held his hand to his throat and made a graceful, slashing gesture across his gullet.
The rain started to fall and he knew what now had to be done.

Once the pooping began it would stop only once the feces had filled his right sock. And only then.

His innards seized and contracted for eleven minutes. He was empty.

Empty.

"Bury me my love
for yea, I am dead inside .
I am not so fresh"

He could go on now. The humiliation had ended. He stripped himself bare, walked home and killed his family.

(The goats are empathetic.)